Trilemmas

NaNoWriMo, Day 21.
(I have just found out last night, while talking to a small press publisher, that it's pronounced Wri, not Wree. Of course, it makes total sense, but once you learn to say something made up wrong...)
I'm hanging in there. I have good days and bad days. Days when I say:"Hey, this ain't so bad" and days when I say: "Oh my God, I just wasted a month of my life."
And I also have days when I don't want to see this Novel I'm writing (Gorilla) ever, ever again.
It's a bit autobiographical, and it brings out some bad memories, and I should not have picked to write a novel when one of the characters is based on something that happened to me.
It was hard to resist.
I should have stuck to what I like to write about: Rural Serbia, and Serbs with their weird and fascinating beliefs.
Oh,well.
So not next year!
Speaking of Serbia, and adding Germany, I'm going to both of those in December.
Why?
Well, it's my father's 60 birthday, I had United miles, and my husband is traveling at the same time for work.
I'm also flying through Germany and despite the fact that it's going to be freezing there in December, I'm going to see Munich for the first time. Not counting the airport, which is one of the best airports in the world. Clean, efficient, and there's this big cafe with great lattes and wooden benches in the middle of shopping, i.e. heaven!
And I have a perfect 2.5 hour layover in Munich!
What else?
If you were a fiction writer like me, and that's all you really want to do for a living, would you go for a small publisher now, or a big publisher somewhere down the road?
That's a dilemma I'm facing right now.
I have only scratched the Small Presses versus Agent surface, and I have a few small offers. But no big ones yet.
So, settle for small now, or dig deeper, put in more work, not into my book, but into looking for an agent, so it might pay off later?
A friend, a writer told me, the agent game is a "numbers game..."
I hate playing with numbers...