Friday, April 13, 2012

Danger! Bananas!

I will start at the end.
I landed at Dulles airport around 2:30pm on Wednesday, coming back from my last leg-- London. I was asked if I had any food with me. I have issues with lying to authorities, i.e. I suck at it, so I didn't. I said I had a banana in my purse, and if that's a problem I'll throw it away or even eat it. I mean, it's a banana, not a crocodile. So, this nice, tattooed, body builder of an officer wrote a big A on my landing customs card, and the first thing that I thought, a Scarlet letter? But why, I didn't do anything, I swear!
So I ate my delicious London banana, bought in a very nice Marks and Spencer close to Kilburn Park, and waited for my luggage.
Almost at the exit, I was stopped by another officer and sent to an A line. Oh, come on, I said, I don't have anything!
So, the following is, as accurate as possible, a conversation between me, nauseated and migraned from the turbulence, with another nice, perky male officer.
"I have no idea why I was sent here, I don't have anything!"
"Really? You sure? You don't have a banana?"
(How did he know I had a banana? Are they all phychic? Or maybe bananas are new tools terrorists are using and they started tracking all of them.)
"Yes, I had a banana but I ate it."
"Now, while I was waiting for my bag."
"And what did you do with the peel?"
(Here, try to imagine my extended eyeballs...)
"I threw it in the trash!"
"Well, go and get it?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Ma'am, either you go and get your banana peel, or you can seat down and wait. It's your choice."
"But why? I don't understand, it's in a trash can, in the women's bathroom!"
"That goes into the landfill, and we have to incinerate it. So either you get it or we will."
A moment here, in which I'm looking for a candid camera.
Then I said fine, went back to the bathroom, and took my banana peel, luckily still on top of the trash, with a paper towel.
Then this nice officer handed me an ordinary looking trash can to put it in. No flames, no gloves, no sculls and Xs on it.
Then they x-rayed my luggage once again, and looked at my passport for the fifth time.
All because of that banana.
I didn't even enjoy it.

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